[Matt would find something reassuring to say, but there's nothing reassuring. He was probably more together when he was her age too, trying to make it in the world alone than the shitshow that had been the past couple of years before coming here.
He's still touching his hair when he shows up, running his fingertips over his hairline on the back of his head.]
[Matt's lips press into a thin, flat line.] Why? Busy day planned? [The dog stops him from scowling and Matt strokes the top of Max's head as he steps inside.]
Yep. I've got about a hundred soybeans to plant, gotta take Max for a walk, help Karen work out at the gym, catch up on some knitting... I'm a busy guy.
[ he puts his hand on matt's arm to direct him to the desk chair he put in the middle of the room before he can trip over it. ]
[Matt snorts at the mention of knitting but doesn't comment as he moves to sit down, running his palm over the edge of the seat.] It's good to meet you too.
[ he pats him on the shoulder and goes to gather his tools. he knows this is a show of trust and he doesn't intend to squander it. ]
You, uh... settling in okay?
[ it comes out lame as he sets the clippers, guards and a spray bottle down on the desk, a comb in one hand. with the other, he gently eases off matt's glasses. he's never cut a blind man's hair before, should he even ask how matt wants it? ]
Yeah. [He doesn't move away when Frank touches his glasses, blinking slowly as they come off. Not like his eyes need to adjust to the ambient light or anything.]
I don't think anyone likes it here. But I'm fine with not rushing to get home either.
[ he bites into his lip as he sets the glasses down and picks up the spray bottle, warning him with a murmured, "water" before wetting down the hair so he can start getting an idea of what to do. ]
What if you could go back with Elektra? Would that change your answer?
[Matt needs a while to think about that. Water is dripping from his hair when he finally replies.]
No. If it's not the Hand it'll be the yakuza. If it's not the yakuza it'll be Fisk. We have a better chance out here than we ever would in New York. We could be happy, Frank. [Happy with some life Matt thinks he wants to lead, with no consideration for what Elektra wants.] I could-... just be Matthew.
[ he wants to tell matt he's being childish, but it won't accomplish anything in the end. for some reason, he thinks life is so bad back there he'd rather stay in space getting tortured by unseen enemies. frank turns on the buzzers while he thinks, starting to cut at the other man's sideburn. ]
Is that gonna be enough for you?
[ if matt really wanted to ~just be himself, wouldn't he have been all along? it's obvious in his tone the topic makes frank uneasy. what doesn't though, really?]
[Matt grimaces and instinctively moves his head a fraction of an inch when the sound of the clippers burst into his ear, forcing himself to hold still while Frank works at taming his messy mop.]
A life with Elektra? [An actual, decent second shot at this where the outcome isn't so rigged against his favour?] What more could I want?
Good point. [ he says in a teasing tone, holding onto matt's head with his comb hand so the movement doesn't screw him up. ] She is an amazing woman. And way too good for you.
[Maybe he's good for her, too. It's taken Matt an inordinate amount of time to come to realise that.] Is there even anything for you, back home? [Everyone's so keen to leave this station, and Matt understands that. But home wasn't always better.]
[For a while he can't hear anything except for the high-pitched buzzing of the clipper. He sort of just sits there quietly until it's moved away from his ear.]
Why don't we just. Fix up this place or find somewhere else to settle then? We could start over. [Frank might or might not appreciate that this is a lot, coming from someone who has never left his city and hates space.]
Of course I would. I never wanted to leave. [Nowhere else without the lifeblood of New York, without the constant vibrations of trains running underground and water tanks rattling on windy rooftops would ever really feel like home. Mornings without coffees and bagels, without people walking into him and blaming him for being blind - it's a big change. And yet.]
But if it's between the Kitchen and Elektra. [Matt swallows and blinks slowly.] I want to be with Elektra.
[He was hoping he didn't have to answer that. His eyes flicker nervously and he licks his bottom lip before giving a tentative answer.]
Nobody here's trying to kill us. Nothing like the Hand was, anyway. [He feels like Hell's Kitchen has been nothing but bad to him lately.] Maybe they can't come after us this far.
[ he's glad he's facing the back of matt's head even if the other man can't see him anyway. he's glaring daggers. he shuts off the clippers for a second to get himself back under control, heaving out an audible sigh and shaking his head. ]
This place has killed us. It can twist you up in unnatural ways. At least we can fight back in New York. Here we're sitting ducks.
[ frank lets out a grunt and gets back to the haircut, working across and over matt's other ear to his sideburn. ]
[Matt can feel the glare, the tension in the air, and for a moment he doesn't say anything. He seems a little nervous sitting there but he's not moving around too much.]
Fighting's what got us killed. [Matt doesn't know what he's asking for when he's wondering why they can't go somewhere where there's no fighting. How difficult it would be for them - even himself. But it sounds nice to just not have to worry about all that for a while.]
That's not what I'm saying. [Matt moves his head a little to turn towards Frank before forcing himself to take a deep breath and keep his head facing forward, irritation evident in his voice. If they stop fighting things will just get worse for other people. Sometimes they just have to be the ones who suffer. That's a price Matt thought he was willing to pay, at least before he's lost Elektra twice.]
Maybe I could. [His voice is soft enough to almost get lost in the buzz of the clippers.] You don't know what life could be like if you'd stopped fighting. You never stopped.
[ it comes as a low growl in warning. he starts in on the top of matt's head, switching guards so he doesn't take too much off. even when they're at odds and he has the physical upperhand, he won't take advantage. and yet matt still feels like he knows frank castle, in and out. ]
I gave up, you know. Didn't think I was ever gonna unravel it, what happened to me and my family. If it wasn't for— [ yeah he's not sure he wants matt to know about micro and madani. glossing over that. ] I had help. I finally got to look the sick fuck in the eye who gunned down my babies while he bled out. You're right, okay? You're right, I've been fighting my whole life, but... the war's ended for me. Homeland Security gave me a second chance, a fresh identity. I can still start over. You don't get to decide that I'm done here, and I'm sure as fuck not about to let you give up.
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[ there's a beat but then he relents, as he always does. ]
Yeah, come over. I'm here.
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He's still touching his hair when he shows up, running his fingertips over his hairline on the back of his head.]
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Come on, pretty boy. I haven't got all day.
[ he turns away to let max greet matt, butting his head into the man's hand as he comes inside in an unsubtle beg. ]
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[ he puts his hand on matt's arm to direct him to the desk chair he put in the middle of the room before he can trip over it. ]
Sit down.
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[ he pats him on the shoulder and goes to gather his tools. he knows this is a show of trust and he doesn't intend to squander it. ]
You, uh... settling in okay?
[ it comes out lame as he sets the clippers, guards and a spray bottle down on the desk, a comb in one hand. with the other, he gently eases off matt's glasses. he's never cut a blind man's hair before, should he even ask how matt wants it? ]
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I don't think anyone likes it here. But I'm fine with not rushing to get home either.
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What if you could go back with Elektra? Would that change your answer?
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No. If it's not the Hand it'll be the yakuza. If it's not the yakuza it'll be Fisk. We have a better chance out here than we ever would in New York. We could be happy, Frank. [Happy with some life Matt thinks he wants to lead, with no consideration for what Elektra wants.] I could-... just be Matthew.
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Is that gonna be enough for you?
[ if matt really wanted to ~just be himself, wouldn't he have been all along? it's obvious in his tone the topic makes frank uneasy. what doesn't though, really?]
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A life with Elektra? [An actual, decent second shot at this where the outcome isn't so rigged against his favour?] What more could I want?
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[ he sighs, trying to cover it up as he cuts over matt's ear. ]
You know there's not. But there could be. [ maybe ]
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Why don't we just. Fix up this place or find somewhere else to settle then? We could start over. [Frank might or might not appreciate that this is a lot, coming from someone who has never left his city and hates space.]
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You wouldn't miss anything about New York? I remember when you told me you could never leave.
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But if it's between the Kitchen and Elektra. [Matt swallows and blinks slowly.] I want to be with Elektra.
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[ it sucks when someone listens to what you say, doesn't it, matt? ]
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Nobody here's trying to kill us. Nothing like the Hand was, anyway. [He feels like Hell's Kitchen has been nothing but bad to him lately.] Maybe they can't come after us this far.
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This place has killed us. It can twist you up in unnatural ways. At least we can fight back in New York. Here we're sitting ducks.
[ frank lets out a grunt and gets back to the haircut, working across and over matt's other ear to his sideburn. ]
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Fighting's what got us killed. [Matt doesn't know what he's asking for when he's wondering why they can't go somewhere where there's no fighting. How difficult it would be for them - even himself. But it sounds nice to just not have to worry about all that for a while.]
Even you must be tired of fighting.
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[ that hadn't worked out for frank so well last time. matt should know - he was there. ]
What happened to the fight bein' a part of you? You can't separate the man from the devil, remember?
[ pepperidge farm remembers. ]
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Maybe I could. [His voice is soft enough to almost get lost in the buzz of the clippers.] You don't know what life could be like if you'd stopped fighting. You never stopped.
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[ it comes as a low growl in warning. he starts in on the top of matt's head, switching guards so he doesn't take too much off. even when they're at odds and he has the physical upperhand, he won't take advantage. and yet matt still feels like he knows frank castle, in and out. ]
I gave up, you know. Didn't think I was ever gonna unravel it, what happened to me and my family. If it wasn't for— [ yeah he's not sure he wants matt to know about micro and madani. glossing over that. ] I had help. I finally got to look the sick fuck in the eye who gunned down my babies while he bled out. You're right, okay? You're right, I've been fighting my whole life, but... the war's ended for me. Homeland Security gave me a second chance, a fresh identity. I can still start over. You don't get to decide that I'm done here, and I'm sure as fuck not about to let you give up.
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